Please be Mine
by CozItRunsInMyBlood
Summary: With music in her ears, a fake smile on her lips, the weight of the world on her shoulders, and bruises all over her body – Bella lived half alive, finding a breather only in stolen moments between Edward's arms. One problem, though, she was married to another.
1. Chapter 1

**(SM) owns Twilight.**

**(CozItRunsInMyBlood) owns the plot.**

**(RobzBeanie) is a lifesaver and she beta this.**

**Chapter 1**

I wouldn't call it rape. It would've been rape if I didn't want it.

Well, I didn't want it. But I didn't reject him, either. Though I wondered if he would stop if I told him 'No.' I really didn't want to think about it. It didn't matter, I just had to do what I had to do.

"I'm going to come, Bella," he groaned into my ear. His face was so sweaty that he spilled some of his sweat onto my own face. Add that to the smell of beer on his breath and you would know how disgusted and so close to throwing up I really was.

That wasn't what I told him, though. I wouldn't dare. Not because of the fact that I feared what he would do to me. It was just because I didn't want to hurt his feelings; that wasn't something I was capable of doing.

I only moaned and told him how much I liked it in response. I was so good at faking pleasure that I almost believed it myself.

Almost, but not really.

"Where are you going?" he asked as I got out of bed, just a minute after he was finished with me.

"Oh, I'm going to take a shower. You know how I hate to sleep feeling sticky like that," I told him, or better yet – I lied.

He nodded.

I made my way to the bathroom and got into the shower, then I started the routine I went through after every time we had sex.

I started touching myself.

Yes, the sex was bad, and I mean _really_ bad. But I couldn't just go to sleep after he'd played with my breasts that much without getting off. I needed to find some kind of release.

My eyes were fixed on the floor in front of the bathroom door, which was wide open, because he gave me a hard time every time I locked it behind me.

He'd ask me, _'What do you have to hide?' _He'd already seen my whole body. At first I argued with him about it, telling him I needed some privacy no matter what, but with time I learned to stop complaining and just obey.

I focused on the floor, looking for any shadow appearing, to know if he was coming near the bathroom, while my hands rubbed quickly against my sex.

I was not trying to have fun, I just needed to get off – something that he had never cared to offer.

I'd been with James for six years. Since I was only eighteen years old. He was my first, and for sure – my last. Yet, he'd never cared about my needs, not even once.

I moaned softly as I felt my orgasm nearing, biting my lip to block the other moans that wanted to slip out, trying my best not to make any sound that he might hear. With time, I'd learned how to masturbate so quietly that only I could hear it – or not even me if that was possible. It was better that way; I didn't know what he would do if he knew that I was doing that.

The water that was coming out of the shower and hitting the floor was making enough noise to cover my own soft gasps. I wished I could close my eyes so I would be able to start fantasizing about someone pleasuring me – Taylor Lautner or Robert Pattinson, for example. But I couldn't … not tonight.

_Maybe another day when I'm home alone,_ I thought.

I assure you, Rob did things to me in my fantasies that James had no idea how to do. None at all.

I focused on my clit and pressed hard until I felt my lower stomach tightening and my orgasm started to rip through my body.

My mouth was tightly closed as I bit hard on my lip to muffle my moans, forcing my eyes to remain open and locked on the floor. My legs were shaking slightly as I rode out the rest of my orgasm.

When I made it back to the bed, James was already sleeping.

Just knowing he was asleep was such a blessing that it made me sigh in relief, lying down under the covers, grateful that another night had passed somewhat in peace.

~PbM~

_Shoot, I'll be late for school, _I thought as I saw the clock on my nightstand read 7:34 AM. My first class started at 9:00 and I still had so many things to do.

I shot out of bed and started doing everything in a hurry.

_Shower, first, yes. Heck, no, coffee. He needs it ready when he wakes up, idiot._

I started the coffee machine, then I ran to the shower. I washed my hair as fast as I could manage_._ There was no time to enjoy the sweet warm water on my skin this morning. _Dang_ _it!_ I wished I'd woken up just a little bit earlier.

The close sound of a loud cough made me jump.

_Ugh!_

I opened my eyes to see James standing over the toilet, his thing in his hand as he peed.

_Freaking gross!_

I turned around as I washed the rest of my body. I didn't need to see his glorious two-inch dick any more than I had to.

"A shower at night, then another in the morning – money doesn't grow on trees, you know?"

_Yeah, 'Good morning' wasn't in his book._

"Sorry, honey, I won't take long; I just forgot to wash my hair last night."

"Always have an excuse," he murmured as he left the bathroom.

_Jerk._

I blow dried my hair and started getting dressed. Today he had a night shift so I had to be really, _really_ careful. It was going to be a long half an hour before I could leave, since he was blessing me with his presence.

I dressed in a light blue blouse and jeans, let my hair down, added a little tiny kohl on my eyes, and that was it.

I walked out of the room to the hall where James was sitting on the couch, a cup of coffee in his hand, God knows how much I needed a cup of coffee as well, but I just wanted to be out of there.

I took my small backpack, phone and keys, and with a slight hope that he wouldn't comment, I started opening the door.

"Bella!"

_Of course not._

"Yes, honey?"

"Come here!"

_Oh, God!_

I went back and stood in front of him, waiting for _it_ to happen.

He looked me up and down, then he motioned to me with his hand to turn around. I did.

"Are you wearing a push-up bra?"

"No, honey, I'm not," I said with my back still facing him, not sure how he could even think I was in one from just staring at my back, though I'd figured he would ask.

"Show me!" he ordered with an even voice.

I turned around and started unbuttoning my blouse, then spread it wide open for him to see my white cotton bra.

"Hmm … lower your pants."

"Honey, I'm going to be late for school," I whined.

"Isabella!" he warned.

I unbuttoned my jeans' fly and unzipped it, then I lowered them to reveal my white thong.

"Why are you wearing a thong to college, Bella?"

"It's just more comfortable – nothing more."

"You'll go change it. Right now!" he said through clenched teeth.

"Honey, I don't have time, and I don't have any clean white panties either!"

He shot off the couch, his hand fisting my hair in a second as he grabbed it. Hard.

"Are you telling me that you can't go to school without matching your bra with your panties? Who is going to see them, huh? ANSWER ME?"

"No one, I swear, I just – I'm sorry, I'll go change."

"Do you do that every time I'm not here, Isabella, huh?"

"No, honey, I swear, I'm sorry." My tears started falling down my cheeks as his grip on my hair tightened even more.

"You'd better, bitch. And wash away that fucking thing on your eyes!"

_Well, it's already gone, thanks to the morning tears you just gave me._

I went to change into some blue panties – the first thing my hands found – re-buttoned my blouse, washed my face, then I fixed my hair and went back to grab my things, getting out of there like a bat out of Hell.

~PbM~

I thanked God for the fact that I reached the building ten minutes before class started. Passing up coffee wasn't for nothing, after all.

I was walking as fast as I could, when suddenly the janitor's closet door opened and a hand pulled me inside.

I wanted to scream but the one who'd grabbed me had their hand over my mouth. I was so scared that I thought I was going to have a heart attack.

My back was flat to his body. His hard chest and the tight grip he had on me told me it was a man, scaring me even more with the fact that I didn't know what he wanted.

With his other hand, he moved my hair away from my ear and then he whispered a tiny, "Boo!"

My body relaxed immediately when I heard his voice. He loosened his grip on my arm, and I turned around to look into those warm dark eyes of his.

"Surprise!" he smiled.

"Jacob! You scared the heck out of me, you loser!" I said as I hugged him tightly.

"Sorry about that, Sugar. I couldn't think of a better way," he said into my hair as he kissed it.

"No, seriously, I almost wet my pants!"

"Aww, your panties are always wet anyway, Bells, so what if you wet your pants, too?" he chuckled.

I playfully punched his shoulder as he hugged me more to his chest.

"Darn it, I missed you."

"I missed you, too, Bells, so fucking much, you have no idea!"

"I know," I sighed into his shoulder.

I broke our embrace only to look into his eyes that I longed for the most, smiling as I saw his bright smile shining back at me.

"Oh, God, it's been too long!" I said as I realized just how long it had been since I'd seen him.

"Two months and three days, Bells," he said softly as he moved a lock of my hair behind my ear. "Not that I was counting or anything!"

"I'm so sorry, Jake. I wish it wasn't like that. I wish I–"

"Shhh," he hushed me. "Let's not talk about that, okay? You're so late for class already, what took you so long?"

"I–Um… I–" I tried.

"Oh, let me guess, another night shift today?" he asked.

I nodded.

He took me in his arms again and sighed.

We stayed like that for a moment, our breaths saying so much other than words, words that we already knew there was no need to speak – it was useless and only caused us heartache and hurt.

"I've been waiting here for almost an hour. I wish you'd come a little bit earlier. I missed you so fucking much."

"Me too, Jacob. Tell me, what brought you here?"

"Oh, I almost forgot. Close your eyes."

"What?"

"Close them!" he smiled.

I did as I was told.

"No peeking, young lady."

"I won't" I promised.

"Open your eyes!"

I opened my eyes to see him holding a small pink box with a red bow on top of it. "Happy birthday, Bells," he smiled.

"Oh, my God! You remembered!"

"Of course I did – have I ever forgotten?"

"Oh, God, Jacob, thank you so much," I said as I hugged him, grinning like an idiot.

"Don't thank me, yet. Open it." He smiled.

I was so excited to find out what it was. I opened the box to see the latest pink iPod lying there in all its glory. I could imagine the look on my face as I saw it – eyes, mouth, maybe even ears wide open. I was flying.

"Oh, my God. This is perfect. Oh, thank you, Jacob, thank you so much!"

"Glad you like it," he smiled.

"Are you kidding me? I freaking love it!" I hugged him again, not wanting to ever let go, and just couldn't help the tears that fell out of my eyes.

He must've heard my soft sob, because he backed away a little to look at my face. "Hey, Bella, don't cry, honey," he said softly as he removed my tears with his thumb and kissed my cheek, two soft kisses.

"It's happy tears."

"Happy tears or not, you know I hate to see you crying."

I buried my head in his chest, and sobbed softly as he smoothed my hair, enjoying those few moments of being close to him.

He always knew everything I had on my mind without me telling him anything at all, as if he was able to read my mind. But it wasn't very strange for him to be able to tell what I was thinking. After all, he was my childhood friend, and had always been my best friend, the shoulder I cried on; he was lots of things, even everything.

"C'mon, Sweets, you'll be late." He patted my back. "I love you, Bells," he said as he looked into my eyes, smiling.

"I love you, too, Jacob." I softly kissed his cheek, and he kissed my forehead, a long, lovingly and brotherly kiss, as always.

~PbM~

I made it just in time to class. The professor wasn't there yet, another reason why I thanked God one more time that morning.

I took a seat beside a window and once I got comfortable, I started staring out the window at whatever was there, my mind busy thinking about my messed-up life.

I missed Jacob so much, missed having him in my life. I hated that we couldn't see each other like normal people. But my life was so far from being normal that even talking to my best friend wasn't allowed.

The professor arrived at some point and started the class, saying who knows what. I didn't hear anything he was saying, not because his voice wasn't loud enough, but because my mind was nowhere near being able to comprehend anything the professor was teaching us.

At some point, my thoughts were cut by a velvet-smooth voice, a voice that made me shift in my seat for some reason, while my eyes were still focused on the window beside me.

"I'm sorry I'm late; I couldn't find the right place," the one with the mesmerizing voice apologized.

"Never mind, it's your first day, after all. Please, have a seat," I heard the professor replying.

"Thank you!" _God_, the things his voice did to me!

It was so crazy. Just hearing his voice– … I felt strange things happening in my heart, mind ... and my girly parts?!

Footsteps sounded near me, and my heartbeats started to race.

_Is he going to sit beside me?_

_Oh, my god! He _is_ sitting beside me._

Cinnamon and sandalwood filled my lungs as he settled into his seat beside me. I felt my whole body reacting to his smell and the one-minute memory of his sweet voice.

I still couldn't force myself to look at him, but I didn't know why. I think some part of me was thinking that his voice may not match his looks. I believed that nobody was perfect; he couldn't have a perfect voice with perfect looks.

So, I guess I just wanted to keep it like that in my mind. Maybe I could use the memory of that voice and that incredible smell in my next fantasy.

Finally, the class ended; it felt as if it was the longest ever. The whole time I felt like his eyes were on me, yet I never moved mine off of the window.

_He's probably calling me the window girl by now, _I thought. _Whatever._

I was walking through the lobby, messing with my new iPod; Jacob knew better than to put any songs there. I was definitely going to throw away my old one.

I tried the small headphones on, just to see how they felt, already liking them a lot – much more than my old ones. And as I was fumbling with the iPod, I was stopped in my tracks by the velvet voice, the same one that just hearing it sent warmth to my body.

"Excuse me, Miss."

My eyes shot to his.

_OH. MY. GOD!_

I think I had died at some point and gone to heaven, because I was definitely looking at an angel right now.

"Could you please tell me where I can find this classroom?" he asked as he showed me some paper in his hands.

Mr. Perfect Voice had perfect messy bronze hair, perfect pale skin, perfect eyebrows, perfect green eyes, a perfect nose, perfect lips, and a God-please-help-me perfect jaw line.

It was a miracle I was still standing on my feet, and didn't just melt into a puddle on the floor.

"Perfect!" I heard the word coming out of my mouth.

"Excuse me?"

_Oh, snap!_

~PbM~


	2. Chapter 2

**(SM) owns Twilight.**

**(CozItRunsInMyBlood) owns the plot.**

**(RobzBeanie) is a lifesaver and she beta this.**

**Chapter 2**

"What?" was my not-very-intelligent reply, in a lame attempt to cover up the word I'd just said.

He must've noticed the earphones in my ears because he motioned with his hands to his ear and then pointed to mine. He thought I couldn't hear him; little did he know that my iPod was completely empty.

I took my earphones off and then took the paper from his hands. "Uh, um, you have almost the same classes as mine," I said absently as I gazed down at the paper.

"Oh, you're the window girl!" _See, what did I tell you?_ "I–uh, I mean the one who was sitting beside me. I thought so, but I wasn't sure. I only saw one side of your face, since you never took your eyes away from the window. I don't know what you were looking at, there wasn't anything interesting out there, maybe just the couple that were making out for a few minutes but … okay, I'm being very silly right now, sorry, it's my first day and I'm a little nervous."

"It's okay, never mind," I told him.

_What is he saying, anyway?_ I was too completely busy staring at those perfect lips of his as they moved while he spoke to actually know what he was saying ..._ Oh right_, _kissing couple._

_Wait, what? There was a kissing couple and I missed it? Darn it!_

"So ... uh, the classroom?"

"Oh, right," I cleared my throat."Well, I'm going there right now, I'll walk you."

_Why the heck did I say that? What if someone saw me?_

_Crap!_

"Really? That's great. Thank you so much. Oh, I'm Edward Cullen." He smiled, holding his hand out for me to shake it, which I did.

I couldn't help but notice how even his hands were perfect. He had such long, slim fingers that wrapped around my hand tightly but also delicately. His touch sent tingles all over my body, and my throat went dry, just at the sensation.

I swallowed thickly. "Um, I'm Bella?"

"Uh, are you asking me if your name is Bella?" he asked, the sexiest smirk on his lips as he asked the question.

_Oh, snap!_

"Uh, yes, I mean, no, my name _is_ Bella."

"Hmm, a really nice name, Bella. _Beautiful_," he said, and I blushed, not able to keep my lips from smiling big.

_What am I doing?_

"Dose that always work with girls?"

_Seriously, what the heck am I doing?_

"Well, I always start with _'I'm_ _going to be a doctor, _' and it doesn't matter what comes out of my mouth after that," he grinned.

_Darn it, I think I came a little._

"Well, I'm going to be a doctor too, so …" I told him, smiling.

"Yeah, not going to work – sad," he said, pretending to be disappointed.

_For God's sake! What the heck am I doing? What is wrong with me?_

"Uh, can I– ..." he said, motioning with his eyes to our joined hands.

_Oh, my God!_ I was _still_ holding his hand!

I dropped his hand immediately, so embarrassed, my blush covering all of my face. "Uh, we … we need to go now, or we'll be late," I suggested, not looking him in the eyes.

"Sure, ladies first!"

~PbM~

Though we had the next two classes together, there wasn't much talking between us. Well, there was, but it was only about school. I showed him most of our classrooms and told him the way for the rest and so on.

There were the smiles that we exchanged, the smirks that almost made me faint every time he did it. Aaaand … there was too much flirting. He flirted. I just smiled. Okay, maybe I flirted back. A little. Just a bit. Or a few times.

_Darn it! This is just wrong!_

"Hey, can I buy you a cup of coffee?" he asked.

"Uh, um …" Well, I really wanted one, and not just because I hadn't had any this morning, but my stomach fluttered just at the possibility of having coffee with him. I had no idea why, but I sure as heck couldn't let him get me one.

I just couldn't.

"C'mon, we're classmates, let me buy you one. It's no big deal," he insisted.

_You can't agree to this, Bella! You know better than that,_ I tried to convince myself.

"Okay." My mouth decided for me and against my mind.

"Great," he smiled brightly.

"Just ... uh, can we have it outside ... um – I know this place ... better coffee … here is not so good coffee," I murmured.

_Can you even speak like a sane human being, Idiot?!_

"Even better!" he said cheerfully.

The coffee here wasn't bad or anything, I just couldn't risk anyone that knew me seeing us. I had to do that away from here, hoping that the place I had in mind was far enough.

~PbM~

We took his car and left mine just where I'd parked it this morning. We agreed that he would bring me back after we finished our coffee. That sounded like it would be okay – or so I hoped. At least my trashcan of a car would be staying in its place and whoever saw it would think that I was still in the library, like I always was after I finished my classes.

The café we went to was really far from school. It was almost outside of Seattle, but I kept telling him that the coffee was worth it. Little did I know that their coffee tasted like _feet_. After all, I'd never been there before.

He didn't say anything about it, just drank it all like a champ. I was sure that he probably thought my taste buds weren't working at all after all of the good things I'd said about the feet-flavored coffee.

We spent about two hours in the café, just talking. I enjoyed his company a lot. I felt like I was in a different world while I was with him. It was really strange. Odd. I'd never felt like that before.

With him, I was able to forget my own world for a while, just a while. But even that while was something that I was so grateful for. I just had no idea why I was feeling so at ease with him, very comfortable and peaceful. It had been so long since I'd felt any kind of comfort at all.

He told me some things about him. He used to live in New York, and had just moved here to Seattle for 'Personal Reasons' – whatever that meant. And though I wanted to know, I didn't really want to push.

I found myself fascinated by everything he was saying. I liked hearing a little story about his brother and sister, liked hearing how much he loved and cared for them. It sounded like he was missing them already. It was heartwarming to hear about such a bond. I was an only child, but if I had a brother, I wouldn't love him any more than I loved Jacob. And my love for Jacob was the closest I could think of to the bond Edward had with his siblings. If the longing I felt for Jake was at all close to what Edward was feeling for his brother and sister – then he was missing them more than just 'a lot.'

"I've been talking forever, but I still don't know anything about you," he said, smiling.

"What do you want to know?" I asked, not really knowing what I would say; my life was seriously boring.

"Um, do you have a bo–"

"Oh, my God, I'm late!" I jumped out of my seat as I noticed the clock hanging on the wall read 2:05 PM.

"Whoa, is everything okay?" he asked, sounding worried.

"I'm so late, so late!" I rushed out of the café, thinking that I would get in my car and go, but then I stopped.

_Oh, no!_

"Darn it! We still have to go get my car!" I pulled on my hair in frustration.

"Hey, Bella, calm down. We can go wherever you want in my car, it's going to be okay,'' he assured me.

If going to drink coffee with him was a bad idea – riding there with him in his car was even worse. And I knew I shouldn't agree. It could go wrong, something bad might happen. But I was already running late, and going to get my car would make me even more late, and I didn't want that. So – I had to agree. Praying with everything in me that she wouldn't notice him or that he wouldn't stick in her mind enough that she would speak about him to someone else.

I was completely freaked out by the idea, but I still didn't have anything to do other than take him there.

All the way there, my stomach was clenching and twisting. I couldn't help the awful sensation of guilt that consumed me as I thought of how I had gotten that late to get her, and I felt my throat tightening as the threat of tears made itself known.

Going for that cup of coffee was so wrong of me, on so many levels. But this was what was upsetting me the most. I knew that it could happen to anyone and people do get late this way, but I couldn't help but feel as if I was too selfish and caught up with myself in stolen moments of comfort which I'd known already as I was having them that they wouldn't last.

I seriously shouldn't have gone along with it.

"I'm so, so sorry," I apologized to Jessica once I made it through the door. She didn't say anything, but the stink eye she gave me was enough to tell me how annoyed with me she really was.

Emily was the last one left in the kindergarten, and I guess she had gotten so bored in those twenty minutes while waiting for me to come pick her up that she'd fallen asleep.

_Oh, my poor sweetie-pie! _

I held her to me and carried her out of the building. Once Edward saw me approaching, he offered to carry her himself. I told him that it was fine and he just smiled and didn't push.

_Darn it! _I cursedinternally when I remembered that I didn't have my car with me, and the car seat was inside it. I knew that I couldn't take Edward's car, so I had to walk back to where my car was parked.

I politely thanked Edward and told him that he could go back and I would take it from here.

"Why? What's wrong? You can't simply just walk all of this way!"

"I, um – I don't have a car seat with me," I explained nervously.

He just smiled and didn't say anything, but then went to open his car trunk.

I watched him closely, frowning as I tried to figure out what he was doing. My eyes widened as I saw him getting a car seat out.

"You've got to be kidding!" I said in shock.

"I have a niece!" he shrugged, smiling.

"Ah! Thank you so much! Is she going to fit?" I wondered.

"Yeah, I guess – she's about three, right?"

"No, she's five," I told him.

"Oh, she's a tiny little thing," he smiled, and I returned it. "I think it'll fit her well," he promised.

We settled in Edward's car, Emily still sleeping peacefully in the backseat, and then we drove back to the parking lot to get my car.

"She's really adorable!" Edward commented as he glanced at Emily in his rearview mirror.

"She is," I smiled. "She's just a little angel."

"It's really nice of you," he said, confusing me.

"What?" I asked with a frown.

"It's nice of you to pick up your sister, I mean," he explained.

"Oh, Emily is not my sister – she's my daughter."

~PbM~


	3. Chapter 3

**(SM) owns Twilight.**

**(CozItRunsInMyBlood) owns the plot.**

**(RobzBeanie) is a lifesaver and she beta this.**

**Chapter 3**

_"Oh, Emily is not my sister, she's my daughter."_

He looked at me with wide eyes and a gaping mouth, not believing what he'd just heard. I saw the look of confusion – which I was so used to get after stating that fact – written all over his face.

"Watch the road, please!" I smiled halfheartedly.

"D-daughter?" he asked, eyes now back on the road.

"Yep!"

"Um, ... Wow! I–uh, ..." was what I got from him in a reply.

"No, I didn't get knocked up!" I replied to the unasked question I knew must've been roaming around in his head right now.

"What? Uh, I– … Why do you say that? I wasn't–"

"It's okay," I told him. "I get that impression a lot, because of my age and all. People think that all the time. But the truth is, I got pregnant with her on my honeymoon, and I couldn't be more grateful," I said with a soft smile.

"Hold on a second, honeymoon? You were married?"

"Yeah, still am though." I held my hand up for him to see my ring, when he glanced my way for a second. "Well, I know the rock is almost invisible ... but it's still there," I said with the smile still plastered on my face.

"Oh! No, it looks – good," he said. "It's just – I thought it was just a ring."

We stayed in an awkward silence for a while. I didn't know what I should say, didn't know why suddenly it was so hard for me to talk to him about my marriage; it was seriously strange. He then broke the silence, and I wished he hadn't.

"So, you were high school sweethearts then, huh?" Edward asked.

"Um, no. He's ten years older than me, actually," I told him. "But, um– … it's a long story."

_That I seriously don't want to talk about it!_ I thought.

"I'm sure I can keep up."

_Darn it!_

I only smiled, and silence filled the car again when I didn't speak any further. Talking about my marriage always made me feel uncomfortable, but it felt as if it was a different kind of uncomfortable with Edward, a different kind of strange. I had no idea why.

"We're here, "I stated as if it wasn't obvious, hoping that he'd get the hint of me not wanting to talk about it.

Once I stepped out of the car I was met with a very big grin from a loveable face. "Bel-la!" she screamed as she hugged me tightly.

"Hey, Angela," I smiled, hugging her back.

"Happy Birthday!" she sang, to which I smiled. Angela was a very close friend of mine; I'd known her since forever!

"Oh, thank you!" I smiled. "Aww! Angela! You shouldn't have," I said as she handed me a small box with a little bow on top of it.

"Oh, come on. It's just a necklace, I hope you like it."

"Thank you, sweetie. It's really nice of you."

We heard a throat clearing beside us, and it made me realize Edward was standing there and wasn't still in the car.

"Uh – hey, Edward, this is Angela. Angela, this is – Edward," I awkwardly introduced them to each other, trying to avoid Angela's eyes.

"Hi, Angela, nice to meet you!"

"Um, thanks ... same here!" she said as she shook hands with him. When I looked at her, she gave me the questioning look of 'Did you lose your mind?' and a little of 'What the fuck, Bella?' causing me to look at the ground without offering her any explanation with my eyes – and not knowing what I would give her for an explanation later.

"Uh, Bella, would you give me your car keys? I can put Emily in the car for you," Edward offered right after the introductions were made.

"Oh! No, thanks, I don't want to bother you," I said.

"No, it won't bother me at all!" he smiled. His smile was warm and kind, and I hoped the one I gave him in return was close to it and not as fake as most of my smiles.

I handed him the keys he'd asked for and then pointed to my car. Once he'd taken Emily and went to do the task he'd offered to do, I heard it.

"Bella?" Her tone was enough to confirm what I'd had no doubt she would ask me about – and then tell me how wrong I'd been in doing it.

I only huffed.

"Not going to work, Bella," Angela said. "What the fuck are you doing? Who is that Edward?"

"Angela, please. He's just, um, we have classes together … " I trailed off, as if that was going to explain everything.

"Oh, that's great, honey!" she said as if she were talking to a child. "And why on earth was your daughter in his car?"

"We, uh, we went to have a cup of coffee, and–"

"WHAT THE FUCK? What the hell were you thinking? Coffee, Bella? Have you lost your mind?" she yelled/whispered.

"God! Angela, please don't do this!"

"I can't believe you, Bella." Disappointment and disbelief laced her voice. "What if _someone_ saw you? You didn't think about that?"

"No one saw us, trust me, "I assured her. "The coffee shop was almost out of the city!"

"Bella, you know better than this!" my best friend scolded. "You don't need me to remind you what will happen if someone saw you, or – God forbid – _him._"

"I know, I know." _Like I can forget …_ "I just couldn't say no to him," I admitted.

"Honey, please! If he knew what would be in store for you if you two were seen together, he'd be very grateful if you said no," she said softly, but the softness in her tone didn't ease the feeling of sadness that consumed me as I listened to her words. "Bella, I don't want you to get hurt, nor do I want it for that guy!"

I nodded, fighting my lips to fake yet another smile, but I guess I wasn't fighting hard enough. My lips wouldn't obey.

"I love you, okay?"

"I know," I murmured.

"I have to go now," she announced. "You know what to do, Bella, just tell him to stay away from you."

I nodded again, now chewing on my bottom lip. She was right, and I knew that very well.

I made it to my car as Edward was securing the seat belt around Emily's sleeping body. Just looking at her made me smile, a real smile that I didn't have to fake. She was utterly beautiful – just like a little angel.

"All set!" Edward smiled as he handed me the keys.

"Thank you, Edward. It was really nice of you."

"Glad to. Hey, Happy Birthday!"

"Oh! Uh, thanks," I replied awkwardly.

"Do you feel older than yesterday?" he joked.

I offered him a small smile and didn't respond. The truth was, I have never liked my birthdays. Or better yet, it's only been a few years that I really haven't liked them, not like before anyway. Because to me – it was only a reminder for me that another year had passed and I was yet to find my way to happiness. It wasn't an easy feeling. Especially after knowing that I never would.

"Um, I guess you need to go now, I bet you have big plans for tonight," Edward said.

_Yeah, sure. Like crying myself to sleep!_

"Yeah, I should go now."

"Okay then, see you tomorrow?" he asked.

I knew I should tell him. I knew I should tell him that we couldn't be friends, that we couldn't even talk, that it was not okay for us to be seen together, many bad things would happen, but – it was very hard, though I didn't know why. And it was pretty annoying.

Eventually, I nodded with a small smile.

_God! Darn it!_

Edward gave me his heartbreaking, panty-dropping smile and left.

~PbM~

I stood in front of my house, carrying Emily in my left arm, her bag and mine hanging from my right arm. I took a deep breath and rang the bell.

Of course I have keys, but he always locks the door from the inside when he's here, so he can know exactly when I come in, because he's normally sleeping at this time so he can stay awake at night.

James opened the door, and I offered him my biggest fake smile. He returned it with a glare-like look.

"You're late," was how he greeted me.

"Yeah, I know, I'm sorry, the traffic …"

He didn't respond to me, he just kept staring at me, looking me up and down then up again, searching my face for any sign of lying – he'd always done that.

I stared back.

If I looked away he'd know I was indeed lying. Living with James had taught me how to lie and be good at it, and until now I was pretty lucky that I was hardly ever caught lying. But when he does discover that I'm lying, it doesn't end well.

After what felt like ages, he finally walked away after rolling his eyes at me, and shaking his head as if he thought I was stupid or something; I really didn't care. My hands were almost numb because of the weight of Emily and the bags on them, but I didn't care about that either. I just thought how lucky I was that I had just escaped from a big fight that would only cause me pain eventually.

I made it to Emily's little room and put her in her bed, kissing the bangs on her forehead, then staring at her beautiful, peaceful face for a moment before going to the kitchen to start dinner.

It took me only half an hour to finish cooking dinner. I already had everything prepared, because I knew he wouldn't like it if dinner was late. I made two plates and put them on the kitchen table, one for my husband and one for me.

"Why is Emily sleeping?" James asked with his mouth still stuffed with food. _Gross!_ "You couldn't keep her awake? I haven't seen her since yesterday!"

"I'm sorry, honey," I apologized. "She'll wake up soon, I promise." I offered him another fake smile, wondering how on earth her nap could be my fault or why he would think that, but this was James – always complaining about everything and nothing; it was very trying. But I guess there was nothing I could do about it.

"The food is salty," was his second complaint in two minutes.

"Uh, do you want me to make you another?" I asked.

"And I should wait another fucking two hours for you to finish it?" he asked with a hint of anger.

"I'm sorry," I apologized again.

"Yeah, sorry! Now the food is all good after your _'sorry_'." He rolled his eyes.

The food was really okay, not too salty or anything, but I think he just felt the need to complain about another thing. I just had no idea where the 'two hours' wait came from; I only took half an hour to get it done.

"Mommy?!" I heard the angelic voice calling.

"Oh, hey, baby girl. Come here," I smiled, offering both of my hands for her to come to me. She only stood there in her place looking at us with wondering, innocent eyes, not moving.

"Are you fighting?" she asked in her sweet baby voice.

"Aww, sweetie, no we're not," I told her, my heart hurting a bit that she knew anything about Mommy and Daddy fighting. Hurting even more that a little girl like her knew how to worry about her beloved ones already.

"Come here, sweetie pie!" James jumped off of his seat and walked over to her. He started tickling her all over her tummy and her laughs filled the whole house.

I couldn't help the grin that filled my whole face. I loved hearing her laughs; it always made me forget whatever pain I was feeling. Always. It was the only thing that kept me going.

"Do you have any idea how much Daddy missed you? Huh? Huh?" He smiled as he carried her back to his chair by the table, taking some of his food and feeding it to her while I got up to get her her own food.

I loved seeing them together. She looked very happy; she loved him so much, and he loved her even more. The happiness I could see on her face made everything I had to deal with worth it. It was moments like this that made me not care at all for any other thing that had happened or might happen someday soon.

We finished eating and I started washing the dishes as James played with Emily. Though my thoughts kept going _there_, the sadness and anger in my heart were perfectly covered with my fake smiles and sweet words.

As I was trapped in my unsettling thoughts, I head James' voice, a voice that just from the tone he used let me know that he was up to no good.

"What are those boxes?" he asked as he stood by the kitchen door; in his hand were Jacob's and Angela's gifts.

_God! Help me!_

**~PbM~**


	4. Chapter 4

**(SM) owns Twilight.**

**(CozItRunsInMyBlood) owns the plot.**

**(RobzBeanie) is a lifesaver and she beta this.**

_"What are those boxes?" he asked as he stood by the kitchen door, in his hand were Jacob and Angela's gifts._

_God! Help me!_

**Chapter 4**

James has always searched through my things, for whatever reason. And opening my bag wasn't a limit for him; it was something he used to do every now and then. And because he searched every paper in my books, I knew he was looking at what I'd written, patterns I'd drawn while not even thinking about what I was writing. He was _that_ controlling.

I have always been careful to never write down anything I think about, like – never. I've always made sure to keep my thoughts to myself; even a piece of paper wasn't trusted around James.

I remember one time I wrote _'I hate my life '_ – you can imagine what happened when he saw it. Or not.

"They're gifts," was all I could come up with.

"I know they're fucking gifts, who gave them to you?" he asked through clenched teeth.

"Angela gave me the necklace."

"What for?" he asked again, sounding even more impatient.

"It's … uh–my birthday," I replied hesitantly, as if I was afraid that telling him that might piss him off even more.

He looked strange for a moment, maybe thinking about how he'd never remembered to wish me a happy birthday, how instead he'd settled with grabbing my hair and arguing with me whenever he felt like it for the entire day. Or maybe it wasn't that at all, maybe he was just trying to see if I was lying or not.

"Okay, I can believe that, since it's a cheap thing like her," he said. I bit into the inside of my cheek to control the anger I felt at his words. He had no right to say that about my friend, but I knew better than to let my feelings show on my face.

"And the iPod?"

"It's …um–my mom," I lied. "Mom gave it to me." I could never tell him it was from Jacob, never.

"Isabella? You know how much I hate it when you lie!"

_Of course, I know!_

"I'm not lying, honey, I swear," I lied again, silently praying for God to forgive me; only He knew my reasons very well.

"So, it's from your mom?" he asked again, I believe to give me a chance to tell him the truth since he wasn't buying it.

I nodded hesitantly.

"Okay, then!" He went to grab the phone and started pushing the buttons.

_Oh, no!_

He was calling my mother, and I'd completely forgotten to tell her about Jacob's visit. And it was yet another reason to blame myself for going on that coffee thing. Ugh!

_"Hello?"_ The sound of my mother's voice sounded around us. Of course James had pushed the _Speaker_ button so I could hear – I guess this was fun to him.

"Hey, Renée. How it's going?" he asked.

_"James? Hi! Is everything okay?"_Mom replied. She knew that something was off since he was calling. Because him calling always meant trouble in store.

My heart was pleading for God to make this pass without hurt, because with James – you could never know.

"Yeah, sure, everything is good," he said casually, as if nothing was wrong at all. "I just wanted to thank you for the present you gave Bella today."

_"Oh, uh, no problem, um, glad to!"_ was Mom's hesitant reply.

_Oh, God!_

"It looks really good, but the color is a little bit strange though, don't you think?" he tried, playing around to get to the fact that she had no idea what he was talking about, all to get to the point where he could prove that I was lying to him. Playing with our feelings as if it was a lovely game to him.

_"Um, well ... it's her favorite color, dear. She has always loved pink!"_

_Huh_?

"Yeah ... so, why did you buy her that exactly? You could've bought something else she uses daily, something cheaper."

_"Oh, she never uses anything more than her IPod, dear, and there is nothing too expensive for my girl!"_

I breathed a sigh of relief. She was doing well; Jacob must've called her or something.

_Oh thank you, God, thank you._

"Hmm, well, it was really generous of you. Okay, talk to you later." With that he hung up and gave me another stupid stare then left to take a shower.

I went to prepare his clothes for him as he took his shower; Emily was still watching TV in the living room.

When he came out of the bathroom, he was completely naked. I didn't want to look at him, but I did anyway. I was thankful that the bedroom door was closed so Emily wouldn't enter abruptly and see this then be scarred for life. He wasn't a sight I wanted her to see, even if he hadn't been her father and she was a twenty-year-old.

James wasn't good looking; he was okay to look at, but not the kind of man you would drool just looking at. He wasn't attractive whatsoever; he had lots of flaws. It was just – not a nice image.

"See something you like?" he asked, wearing what he thought was a sexy smirk on his face. Trust me, it was far from anything sexy!

I offered him a small smile and made myself busy with his clothes, hoping that he would just go on his way and do whatever far from me.

"Oh, someone is shy."

_Guess not!_

He came up behind me and hugged me tightly, his wet body wetting all of my clothes, but that was my last concern. I knew what he was about to do, and I seriously didn't like it.

He started placing cold kisses all over my neck, squeezing my breasts with his hands, then he moved a hand to cup my sex and started rubbing me, all in the matter of ten seconds.

He was never able to touch me properly. It mostly hurt me when he touched me down there, and he knew nothing about how sensitive that area was. I think that even if he knew he wouldn't gave a damn.

A moan escaped my lips when his touches grew firmer, and the sad thing was that he thought he was doing something good and I was actually moaning from pleasure – little did he know it was from pain. But I couldn't say anything, he'd think I was objecting to him, and I couldn't let that happen. I couldn't handle the consequences ... not today.

His hand finally left my sex and then he turned me around to face him. He unbuttoned my blouse and moved my bra down to make my breasts completely bare in front of him, before attacking my nipples with his mouth and hands like a crazy person. That made me moan again ... unfortunately he was turning me on.

His tongue teased my nipples for a few moments, and then he simply stopped, putting my bra back in place and then patting my cheek like I was some kind of a pet.

_I freaking knew it._

All I did in return was offer him a small smile.

He'd always done that. He always took whatever he needed even if he wasn't getting off, just to enjoy himself, not caring for a second whether I had needs too.

I was never able to understand why he did that, why would he go that far and just simply stop, without getting off or anything like that. And what I hated the most was that I felt like I was some toy to him that he could play with anytime he wanted, then put back in place when he was done. It was really upsetting, but of course I couldn't do anything about it.

_Maybe all guys were like that, who knows._

**~PbM~**

About 6:00 pm I was ready to go.

My shift started at 6:30. I was a waitress at a small restaurant near my mom's house. I needed the money for so many things that James wasn't willing to provide for us.

Every day, I would drop Emily at Mom's and then I would go to the restaurant. My shift ended at eleven, two hours after Emily's bedtime, so I would leave her there and Mom would take her to kindergarten in the morning, then I'd pick her up at 2:00 pm.

I'd never hated anything in my life more than the fact that I spent so little time with her, but it was out of my hands. I was trying as best as I could to provide her with a better life. I knew it wasn't enough, but it was all I could do. And it hurt my heart that that was my best. I never stopped dreaming that maybe I could be a successful doctor someday, and then I could get her all she would ever want or wish for.

I dreamed a lot. Hoped even more.

_All I have is hope, anyway._

Mom told me that Jacob had paid her a little visit. I was glad to hear that they spent some time together. She was mostly the only way for me to know about his updates. I was glad he'd mentioned the iPod to her and what color it was – and even more glad that my mom had done so well when she told James about it.

"I love you, Mommy."

"Aww, I love you too, baby girl, see you tomorrow, okay?" I said, my heart aching just at the thought of leaving her.

"Okay. " She hugged me tightly and I kissed her little cheek.

_God, how I hated leaving her!_

~PbM~

I made my way to the restaurant, thinking all the while about how much I'd worked in high school to be able to save money for college, so I wouldn't have to work much then and could spend all of my time studying instead of working. But all of those plans crashed with my father's illness.

I'd spent almost all of my savings on his medications when his insurance didn't cover it all, and I would've spent more if I had to, but sadly – he didn't need them anymore.

When I got to the restaurant, Mr. John – the manager – gave me the day off, saying it was the least he could do for me on my birthday. I thought it was really kind of him; he was such a nice guy. Just the fact that he remembered my birthday was sweet enough, but he was even kinder than that.

Believe it or not, I didn't want to go; I had no other place to go. I thought about going to spend some time with Emily, but I was afraid that she would think I could do that every day and then I would disappoint her, so I didn't.

I made my way to the library, thinking that maybe I could study what I'd missed today. I used to study at least two hours every day after my classes, but the damn cup of coffee thing messed everything up.

Thinking about that again made me aware of the fact that Edward's face had hardly ever left my mind the entire day, and it caused a strange feeling to settle inside of my heart. I had no idea why I was feeling that way, or why I was thinking of him when I shouldn't be thinking of him. I only knew one thing: I would never speak to him again. It wasn't right.

The sound of my phone's ringtone caught my attention; it was James.

"Hey, honey!"

_"Hey ... where are you?"_

"I'm heading to the library; Mr. John gave me the day off."

_"Hmm, fine."_

"How it's going in the office, honey?" I asked, as if I cared.

_"It's boring, I'll call you later."_

And he hung up. All he'd wanted to know was where I was and what I was doing. He always called me every now and then to stay updated about my whereabouts. I always had to tell the truth, because God knows what would happen if I didn't tell him exactly and with details about whatever.

To tell you the truth, for a moment I wished he'd just called to wish me a happy birthday, but I guess that when it came to James – this was a big wish that was hard to come true.

_Was that really too much to ask for?_

I sighed, settling on my seat, and I turned my IPod on, playing the only song I'd download today. It was all I needed to listen to anyway.

_Sometimes it seems that I have no place.  
And I don't know what to do, with myself.  
Night after another, I can taste the filth inside.  
And I need to cleanse my soul.  
Nobody knows, nobody cares that I die, on the inside.  
Nobody sees the lie that is me, cuz  
I smile on the outside.  
Nobody knows, nobody cares when I  
walk, on the wrong side.  
Tell me who…nobody.  
Tell me who…nobody.  
Tell me who…nobody._

I managed to cut the song on my computer only to this point – the rest of the song simply didn't fit for my liking, somehow. I played it over and over again, pretending to be studying, as I stared at the pages that looked blank to me. The more I listened to the lyrics, the more my heart ached, and I simply couldn't help the tears that ran down my cheeks.

_Sometimes it seems that I have no place.  
And I don't know what to do, with myself.  
Night after another, I can taste the filth inside.  
And I need to cleanse my soul.  
Nobody knows, nobody cares that I die, on the inside.  
Nobody sees the lie that is me, cuz  
I smile on the outside.  
Nobody knows, nobody cares when I  
walk, on the wrong side.  
Tell me who…nobody.  
Tell me who…nobody_

As I was lost in my own world of sadness and heartache, I could hear the fading noise of the seat beside mine being dragged a little. I opened my eyes to see what had caused the motion, and almost gasped when I realized who it was.

It was Edward!

I quickly wiped my tears away, embarrassed to realize it was probably too late and he'd already seen them.

"Big plans for your birthday night, I can see."

**~PbM~**


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Hello there, my dear readers. I know, I know – very long time.  
You see, this story is 95% already written, but that was like – 5 or 6 years ago. My writing then was just ugh, when I read it I can't help but cringe and moan (not in a good way) – so I keep waiting to find time to fix it, but it seems impossible with my books coming out in a few months.**

**Please forgive me for the delay, I promise I'm trying my best. My friend (Sofia Gntk) is helping me adding details, etc. But she's busy herself and chapters might come slow. This or I put it as it is, what do you guys think? I'll do whatever the majority decides.**

**Thank you for reading, and for your patience.**

**Love, **

**Rose.**

**Now with the chapter:**

**Twilight is not mine, blah blah ..**

**RobsBeanie is my awesome Beta.**

_"Big plans for your birthday night, I can see…"_

**Chapter 5**

Edward sat across from me at the table, his face holding no expression at all. I didn't know if I should be offended by his comment or not. I mean, he'd just pointed out how lonely I was on my birthday night, but who was Ι kidding – it was the truth. I was completely lonely and I had no one; he hadn't said something I didn't already know.

"Hey," I responded in such a low voice that I was barely able to hear it myself.

"Hey! What are you doing here?" he asked with a slight frown. As if he didn't know.

"What do people come to the library for?" was my lame and slightly sarcastic reply.

"You know what I mean, Smarty-pants! Why are you not out celebrating?" he asked. He sounded concerned.

"Uh... um, I don't like parties," I said, looking away. I was still able to see him from the corner of my eye as he stared at me for a moment too long, while I made myself busy with the book in my hands.

"So, why didn't you spend the night with your husband, just you and him?" he asked, something strange sounding in his voice, almost like … he was upset?

I almost got mad at his question, with no clue as to why I was mad. I felt like I wanted to question why he would ask me that, since we weren't best friends or anything. But then I thought there was no need for me to do so, when the guy was just saying what was on his mind … maybe.

"Uh, he's a very busy man," was what I said – _who never cares about anything related to me, _was what I thought.

He kept staring at me, not saying anything for a moment, but I would be lying if I said I found it annoying. It was just – not comfortable, that's all.

"Let's go!" he said, jumping out of his seat.

"What?" I asked in confusion.

"Let's. Go," he repeated. Slowly this time. Did he want us to go somewhere together?

"Where to?"

"Mmm, I'm starving, let's go have dinner together?" I wasn't really sure if it was a question or if he was just informing me that we would be having dinner together.

_Uh, what?!_

"Uh, um, I'm not hungry," I said the smartest thing I could think of. I was suddenly confused and my heart was beating faster.

"But I _am_, so let's go," he said again.

"I really can't, Edward. I have to study." _Oh, good excuse, Bella._ _NOT!_

"I don't think so." He took my hand in his and somehow lifted me off my chair. I felt a shiver run through my body when his hand made contact with mine. His touch was like something, something magical. Something I'd never felt before.

"Edward, I really can't..."

"C'mon, Bella... we'll eat, talk, and nobody'll get hurt," he smiled.

_That's what you think!_

"I... uh, um..."

"Is something wrong?"

"It's just – my husband, he's a very jealous man. Uh, he won't be happy if he somehow sees us together ... uh, having dinner." For some reason I couldn't look him in the eye. I knew that if I made the mistake of looking at him, I would blush, and that would trigger a whole new slew of comments.

He gaped at me for a moment.

"Oh! Come on! Let's go," he insisted.

_Oh, my god!_

"Edward, please, I'm serious here!" Couldn't he understand?

"Me too!" He sounded so sure about his invitation, and it seemed that he didn't care that something might go wrong. It seemed like he enjoyed it. I was looking at his eyes and they told me that he was impatient yet sure of himself at the same time.

"Edward!"

"Come on, Bella, please? I promise he won't see us, okay?" He gave me his best puppy dog eyes, and I just – melted!

_How can you say no to that face?!_

Well, you can't. I took a deep breath and quickly gathered my things, though not hurrying. I didn't want him to think that I was too eager to go eat with him. We left the library quickly, and I was looking around as if I was some kind of a criminal, just to see if there was _anyone_ looking at us, or worse – if someone could recognize me.

_You're doing something really bad, Bella! You should know better!_ A voice in my head reminded me, and I replied silently to it that I knew that very well, but I just – couldn't help it. _Having little chats in your head now, Bella, good job! _By the time my little chat was finished, we were out of the library and had reached his car. Suddenly he stopped me.

"Wait," he whispered with a smile, rushing in front of me to open the door for me. _Born a gentleman._

"Thank you," I mumbled, the blush covering my face.

I sat in the passenger seat and waited patiently for him to get in next to me. His car was neat, clean and smelled like his cologne. He didn't have much stuff in it and it felt so nice. It was elegant and beautiful, just like him. He got in and gave me a quick glance, then without saying a word he started the engine. We drove for a few minutes silently before he stopped and got out. Looking around, there were no restaurants in the area.

At my confused expression, he said with a light chuckle, "I won't take long, don't escape now!"

_Where is he going?_

I nodded with a small smile_. If you only knew how much I want to do that, but don't want to do it at the same time!_

Sitting there in the car with silence surrounding me, aside from the horns of passing cars, I couldn't help but think how all of this – him taking me out for dinner – was just an act that he was doing out of pity. I mean, he'd seen me crying, I knew he did, and he realized how lonely and miserable I was, and he was just – being nice. That was all, nothing more.

_Pity!_

Fifteen minutes later, Edward opened the back door of his car, placing a large bag on the back seat, before coming back to the driver's seat. I was so curious about what he was doing.

"Sorry if I took too long," he huffed, apologizing under his breath.

"You didn't... uh, um, where are we going?" I asked, not able to hide the anxiety in my voice.

"It's a surprise!" he said, smirking. Oh God, that goddamn smirk; needless to say it went directly to my girly parts.

I was seriously worried that we were going somewhere that my husband knew of or would see us. After all, Edward didn't really know the city all that much, while James knew it very well.

_God, what if he sees us? What is going to happen?_

_Shit will happen! And you know that!_ A voice in my head replied to my unspoken question.

_Yes, unfortunately I freaking know!_

We drove for about ten minutes. We were far from the library and I still had no idea where we were going. Not long after, we stopped in front of a huge gate, then he pressed a few buttons on a keyboard and the gates opened.

"Edward? Where are we?" I asked in a very worried, confused tone this time.

He didn't respond until after we'd driven down a long road of trees with a large garden on both sides. The place made me feel like I was in one of those classic movies, especially when the road ended just outside a mansion.

_This is not a restaurant..._

He got out of the car and opened my door for me, then he gave me his hand to help me out of the car, but I didn't take it ... I stayed seated!

"Edward, where. Are. We?" I asked impatiently and a little bit angry.

"My place" he smiled.

_Fucking what?_

With wide eyes and a gaping mouth, I spoke, "Edward, I just told you that I have a very jealous husband who can't see us having dinner in _public _and you bring me to _your place_?" To say I was pissed would be an understatement.

"Bella, does your husband know where I live?" he asked, his eyes smirking, not really wanting me to answer him, but rather telling me.

_Oh!_

Well, he was right. In a way. But if James wanted to know something, he would know it, trust me!

"You should have asked me!" I said through clenched teeth. This was so wrong and I was kind of pissed – really, really pissed!

And scared.

"Oh, I thought... I... uh, I didn't mean–"

"Just take me back to the library, please," I said angrily, not looking at him.

"Uh, ... okay ... if that's what you want ..." He sounded really disappointed and – for some reason – I hated myself for it! I didn't want him to feel bad.

He got back in and I could see him from the corner of my eye as he looked at me. "Bella, I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to upset you... I thought it would make you happy."

And that made me feel like shit.

_Way to go, Bella_. _Is that how you treat someone who's _actually_ nice to you?_

"I know, it's just– … I'm sorry I freaked out. You don't know my husband."

"It's okay, I understand... I can see where he's coming from, actually."

"What do you mean?" I looked at him with confusion.

He brought his hand up and lifted my chin to look right into his eyes, and I thought my heart gave out for a second.

"You don't have mirrors around the house? If my wife was half as pretty as you, I would spend my whole life doing nothing but pushing guys away from her," he said with a sweet smile on those sweet lips of his.

That heart of mine that just gave out? It kind of stopped then.

That was– … like the sweetest thing I'd ever heard from anyone, in a very long time, longer than I could even remember.

_So all this might not be out of pity?_

"You're just saying that …" I shouldn't get my hopes up.

"Bella, I'm a lot of things, but I'm not a liar." Well, all men say that but could I trust him? I couldn't call him a liar though.

"Oh, I didn't mean–"

"It's okay, I'm just telling you, trust me, I never lie. _Ever_."

For some strange reason the way he looked at me made me want to believe him and trust his words. The way his eyes were staring into mine did a lot of things to me, to my… _heart_. I was simply lost in those green lands of heaven that were his eyes.

"Uh, that's really nice of you," I said, looking away, blushing.

"I'm not trying to be nice, I'm just telling the truth, honestly... you're very pretty," he said those words while he still had his hand under my chin. His eyes were roaming all over my face, looking at my eyes and resting on my lips then back again to my eyes.

_I don't know how to respond to that …_

"Is the invitation still on?" Suddenly I felt so calm.

"What? Oh... sure, of course it is!"

I smiled and nodded, then got out of the car.

As my feet hit the ground I took a glance of my surroundings.

The mansion was huge and I wasn't just saying huge, I mean, you could get lost in that thing for days and hardly be found. As I was looking around like I was crazy, Edward interrupted my thoughts.

"Upstairs, choose any room," he said as he handed me the bag that he'd bought on our way here.

"What is this?" I was so confused.

"You'll know when you open it; it's your birthday present," he grinned. He'd bought me a present? This was too much.

"Edward! You shouldn't have, it's–"

"I really wanted to. Come on, go upstairs... I'll order dinner before you come back, okay?"

"What am I going to do up there?" What could possibly be in the bag?

"You'll know, go!"

**AN: What do you think is in the box?**

**If you haven't read my AN up there, please, scroll up and read it now.**

**Thanks a million for reading.**


	6. Chapter 6

_"You'll know, go!"_

**Chapter 6**

I made it to the next floor and it seemed like there were two hundred doors, so I chose one of them, which happened to be a bathroom. _Or maybe one of the bathrooms?_

Actually it was a kind of spa, but the toilet said it's just a bathroom, _yeah just a bathroom!_

I set down my purse and the bag Edward had given me. I was so excited and terrified at the same time to know what it was.

Inside was a large box; I opened it and gasped loudly. Putting my hands inside the box, I softly touched the fabric.

It was an incredibly beautiful dress, and I mean extraordinary. I took it quickly but very carefully out of the box to look at it. It was navy blue satin, cut so low in the back that it would reach nearly to my backside. The chest area was basically a sash that laid over the breasts and wrapped down and around the hips. My stomach would be bare down to the place where the skirting began at the hips. The bottom of the dress was floor length, but there was a slit all the way up to mid-thigh, and the material was loose and free-flowing. I was in awe.

The dress was just breathtaking, but I didn't know if I should wear it. I mean, I'd never worn something that revealing before, and all that just for dinner between two _'friends now,' _I suppose?

_Too much!_

I didn't want to wear it, meanwhile I was dying to wear it. I mean… the thing looked very expensive and I think I drooled a little looking at it. I'd never had something like this. And I didn't mean only the dress but as a gesture.

_Who does this? _I thought while biting my lower lip.

After a long pause I decided to wear it.

_Wrong!_

_Shut up, let me breathe for one hour!_

I started taking off my clothes as quickly as possible. I wanted to feel this masterpiece of fashion on me.

The dress felt unbelievable on my skin, I can't even describe the feeling.

I took my bra off since I shouldn't be wearing one with this kind of dress, and then I walked to the huge mirror, taking a look at my reflection.

_Oh, Holy Moly!_

_I fucking look like a movie star!_

Well, not really since my hair needed a fast do. I'd already taken so long with the dress and my face needed a little makeup, too. I looked pale, not like a guy who'd just seen a ghost, but more than the ghost itself!

I turned around to see how my back looked and my mood came crashing down!

Showing above the top of the dress were the stupid granny panties that I had been forced to wear this morning. It made the whole dress look ugly. I felt like crying!

_What should I do now?_

_I know what you are thinking, Bella! Not a good idea for 'just friends.'_

Take them off too? And spend the whole dinner without underwear!

_Damn it! Who will know?_

_You'll know!_

_Oh shut up!_

There was no other option so I went with it. I fixed my hair into a loose ponytail in a very magical way that made it look way better than I'd thought it would. I used the few pieces of makeup that I had and took another look in the mirror!

_Damn it, I look hot! The mascara and the lipstick know how to work their magic!_

Another look at my back and… _my mood was down again_! How could I have completely forgotten about that?

_What am I supposed to do now?_

It seemed like I wasn't going to be able to wear this thing. I had to take it off now, because he couldn't see me like that. As I was putting my things back into my bag, my hand made contact with my eye concealer!

_Brilliant, that should do it._

I tried to apply where it was needed on my back. I could hardly reach it all; I think it looked better, but you could still tell it was there.

_My mood was down… Again!_

I looked around, and my eyes landed on the blue silk cloth that had been wrapped around the dress in the box.

_Perfect!_

I got very creative and used it somehow as a scarf. I put the material over my shoulders and it covered half of my back and my arms, just like I needed it to do! It would be sexier if my back was out but I didn't want him to see it.

_I'm so smart!_

I was so nervous as I made my way out of the bathroom, wondering what he would think!

_WRONG!_

_Shut the fuck up!_

I was wondering if he'll think I look pretty or not; maybe he'll think I look silly... I do look silly, who am I kidding?!

_But he said I was pretty…_

_Don't flatter yourself, Bella._

What if he has that radar that some guys have and could tell that I wasn't wearing any panties?!

_God damn it! I have to show no evidence of fear nor being nervous._

_Why am I nervous?_

I walked toward the stairs and before I saw what was happening, I could see that the lights weren't that bright and I could feel heat coming from downstairs. As I reached the top of the stairs I was met with candles everywhere and a big sign that said 'happy birthday.'

_Oh my god!_

The sight was breathtaking. He was waiting for me downstairs, in a very _Titanic _style, but this handsome boy wasn't wearing a suit, just the black shirt and black jeans that he'd been wearing earlier, still looking as he'd just stepped out of some magazine cover!

_I feel like I'm Cinderella!_

Well, a barefoot Cinderella, since there was no way I was ruining this dress with my awful old Nikes!

Just like _Leonardo _he offered me his hand and I took it.

He brought it to his face and with his eyes on mine, he placed an open mouth kiss on the back of my hand.

_I died. My heart stopped completely._

"You look... wow... you... just wow!" he said with his mouth slightly open. _Is he gaping_ _at me? Did he wow in a good or a bad way?_

"Is that good or bad?"

"Are you kidding me? I can't even form words here – you look stunning!" His eyes were wide open, filled with anticipation.

_Fuck me!_

I couldn't help the big grin on my face!

_Wow... hi there, big grin! Looooong time no see!_

"Thank you!" I said as politely and quietly as possible, because I didn't want to blush. Thank god, I hadn't used much blush, since I knew I was already as red as a lobster!

_Damn that blush!_

He took me by the hand and led me to the dining room. It had a very large table, with 5633 chairs around it; the table itself was the size of my house.

_Just unbelievable._

He pulled the chair out for me and I sat down with a thank you. He sat at the head of the table, with me on his right side.

"You really look incredible… I can't find words!"

"Thank you, Edward. It's really nice of you. It looks really expensive – you really shouldn't have done that." The truth was, I was not at all used to things like this. He was a really nice guy and he was so kind and gentle. I didn't deserve it.

"Stop saying that. Nothing is expensive when it gives you the outstanding smile that you have on your face right now. I would spend the last penny I have to see it every chance I could." This was not happening. He just made me speechless, and I had no idea what to say to him! I decided not to respond.

"Uh, I hope you like the food," he said and his voice was shaking with anticipation. In comparison to the library and the car he seemed unsure of himself. Like he wasn't sure if I would like this. _Is he serious? _

''It looks really delicious!" I said without hesitation. I wanted him to know that I really appreciated this.

We started eating and we talked a little, as he told me about his life; I felt like a princess, it was so nice. He told me that the mansion was his family's. It seemed like he loved his family very much, but he never told me why he'd moved in here alone and I didn't push it. He seemed to be really fond of his family and that made me smile inside. He commented on how the dress was made for no one else but me, told me so much sweet stuff like that and I was never able to respond except with a smile. _Could he see that I was blushing with his every comment?_

He said that the lady in the shop helped him to get the right size. Edward seemed like he didn't know much of women's clothes. It was really nice of him.

"Music?" he offered after we finished dinner.

I was like _duh_! … I LOVE music.

"Sure thing!" What a lame phrase. After a second he stood up and walked to the stereo. He turned some music on, a very soft piano tune. With a gentle move he offered me his hand, which I could never say no to.

"Do you want to dance?" I nodded softly while making eye contact. I was sure I was blushing. I was dizzy with happiness – _no_, I was drunk with happiness. I'd never known I could feel that way ever in my life, but it seemed that god was giving me one more time to taste how it felt.

He took my hand and with soft moves while looking at his feet, he showed me the dance for the song that was playing. I put my other hand on his shoulder as he put his hand around my scarf-covered back. I felt that same electricity I felt every time I touched his hand going through my entire body, only this time it was so much _powerful_, it was almost _unbearable_. _Oh, Edward, what is this feeling?_

It was really awkward since I didn't know how to dance, not at all; thank god I'd had a small wedding that never included the bride and groom's dance!

And suddenly

"Ouch!" I stepped on his foot.

"I'm sorry!" _Why are you so clumsy, Bella? _

"Never mind," he said, smiling. I couldn't believe he still wanted to dance with me.

A few moments later I did it again.

"Ow..." he tried to muffle a moan. I guess it was good for him that I wasn't wearing any shoes! I couldn't do much damage barefoot.

"I'm really sorry… I… uh, I've never danced before…" It wasn't that hard to admit that.

"Seriously?" he seemed confused.

I nodded with a shy smile.

"Oh..." We froze for a moment and it seemed like he was trying to figure out the reason. Then he took both of my hands and placed them on both of his shoulders.

''What are–"

"Shh..." he interrupted me.

He brought me closer to his body and lifted me with both of his hands. He placed both of my feet on his and started dancing again.

"See?!" he said, smiling happily at me.

"Uh, I'm dancing!" I said without believing my own words.

"You're dancing," he assured me with his bright smile.

"On my birthday!" Oh, was this really happening?

"Yeah!" We stared into each other's eyes for a split second and then I heard it.

_As I look into your eyes  
I see all the reasons why  
My life's worth a thousand skies  
You're the simplest love I've known  
And the purest one I'll own  
Know you'll never be alone_

He kept staring into my eyes, and I was never able to remove the smile that was all over my face, not just on my lips. My whole body was smiling.

_My baby you  
Are the reason I could fly  
And 'cause of you  
I don't have to wonder why  
Baby you  
There's no more just getting by  
You're the reason I feel so alive_

He brought me closer to him and I think I was technically hugging him by now, my arms around his neck, and his hands holding me tightly to his body.

_Though these words I sing are true  
They still fail to capture you  
As mere words can only do  
How do I explain that smile?  
And how it turns my world around  
Keeping my feet on the ground_

As the song played, his eyes never left mine; he was staring at them like he was reading something. I felt even closer to him, if that was possible, and that's when I felt it.

His hands were now on the bare skin of my back! He'd somehow managed to put them there.

I won't tell you that I didn't like it. With his eyes staring at mine I wasn't even concerned with what he would think. It was the exact _opposite_; I loved the feeling of his hands on my bare skin.

_And I wanted more. Oh, so much more._

As if he was reading my mind, his hands slowly, _oh ever so slowly, _made their way over the rest of my bare back.

_I will soothe you if you fall  
I'll be right there if you call  
You're my greatest love of all_

I couldn't find the will to stop the dance. His eyes were saying so many unspoken sweet words, eyes that now were moving all over my face, as if it was the first time he was seeing me.

_You are the reason I could fly  
And 'cause of you  
I don't have to wonder why_

His beautiful green eyes moved from my eyes to rest on my lips... then back to my eyes again, only to stare one more time at my lips.

_My baby you  
There's no more just getting by  
'cause you're the reason I feel so alive_

His eyes rested on my lips for a moment, and it was clear as the sunlight that he was asking for my permission to kiss me!

_Oh my god! He wants to kiss me!_

He looked at my eyes again and I guess he found no objection in them, so he brought his face closer to mine, if that was even possible.

I felt his breath on my cheek, hot and sweet and everything like heaven.

_He's going to kiss me!_

I felt him nuzzling my nose slightly. That's it, he was going to kiss me!

_WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!_

_I fucking KNOW!_

~%~


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

The warmth of his body was surrounding me, as he pressed me harder into his body. His hands on my naked back made me almost lose my stability. I wanted to feel more and more. I knew it was not right to be this close to him, but at the same time I just didn't care, not at all.

I wanted to feel him – and that was it.

His breaths on my cheeks were sending tingles all over my body and I felt the unbearable need to kiss him. My lips opened slightly, automatically getting ready to be kissed by a very attractive man, the most handsome guy I had ever laid eyes on.

I felt his lips nearing mine, almost touching them.

_Ding. Ding. Ding._

I heard the loud sound of the big clock nearby announcing that it was 11:00 pm sharp. My body flinched and in less than one second I was away from Edward's embrace, feeling the loss immediately. Realizing what I was just about to do, I felt the horrible choking in my throat that I always felt when I knew that I could be in serious trouble!

"I...I uh... I should go!" I said as I ran back to the stairs. I ran as fast as I could, trying not to trip while doing so. I started taking off the dress a few yards before reaching the bathroom. I could feel my eyes tearing up but I wouldn't let the tears overwhelm me. Opening the door quickly, I slammed it behind me. I took off the rest of the dress in less than one minute and looked around the bathroom like a maniac to find my own clothes. When I saw them I picked them up and with shaking hands, I got dressed back into my own clothes.

I took my things and left the dress on a counter near the sink. There was no way I could take that with me! I left the bathroom quickly, being careful not to drop my things in the hallway. As I went back down the stairs, I saw Edward standing almost exactly where I'd left him. _How long has it been?_

My hurried steps caught his attention and he looked at me.

"Bella... I... uh, can't you stay a little bit longer?"

"I can't, Edward. I'm so late... I have to go," I said as I hurried to the front door. I wasn't really worried about being late, since I normally finished work about this time –what was killing me was what I'd almost done.

_I almost kissed him!_

"Hey, wait, let me get my keys!" he shouted behind me. He seemed hurt.

"It's okay, I'll find a taxi," I said without looking behind me. I couldn't risk getting in the car with him again.

"Don't be silly, just wait one second!" he insisted.

I nodded.

_God, I'm so scared!_

He grabbed his keys quickly and ran to the door, opening it for me. He stopped for a minute right there and I could feel him looking at me, but I couldn't look him in the eye. We got to the car and again as a gentleman he opened the car door for me, and I got in without saying a word. As we drove back to the library we still didn't say a word. I didn't find anything to say, and neither did he... I guess.

_What the hell just happened anyway?_

_Was about to happen._

_I know, but still..._

I hopped out of the car without even glancing at him. I knew I was being rude... I knew, but I couldn't find the will to look into his eyes.

I drove my car back home.

~%~

Lying on my bed, tears were streaming down my cheeks, just like every night, but the pain in my heart was so much different. I thanked god that things hadn't gone any further, and I found myself wondering... could it be? If I wasn't saved by the bell... was I actually going to kiss him?

I couldn't believe I'd almost done that! I couldn't believe it!

I was really scared... what if James somehow found out? What if he knew I went to Edward's house? _Oh my god... I would die if he found out... die out of fear._

I couldn't sleep the whole night; my mind kept going here and there... fear blinding my sight. _I'm so scared._

By 5:30 am I heard James coming back home. He was early today, and that made me more scared. _What will I do if he knows?_

I felt my stomach turning into a tight knot and fought the demanding feeling to throw up.

_This has gone too far... I know I went too far... I'm so scared._

He collapsed into the bed beside me after a few minutes. I had my back to him so he couldn't see my face, and I pretended to be sleeping. Minutes later I heard his steady breaths, a sign that he had drifted off into a deep sleep.

_That's a good thing, right?_

_God I don't know!_

_So scared._

God only knows how that night passed for me; fear didn't leave me, and sleep never visited me.

I couldn't go to the college. I was afraid to see Edward – or find out that he hadn't shown up at all. So I stayed home.

James woke up by 10:15 am, when I was busying myself in chores around the house – cleaning, baking, and cooking.

"You don't have classes today?" he asked me. He was talking to me the same as every day, but I still could never figure out if he knew something or not.

"Uh, no, honey. I'm just not feeling well today." I hoped that he wouldn't ask more questions.

"Hmm... do you need help with that?" he pointed to the baking tools I was washing.

"Oh... no, honey. Thanks, I got it,'' I faked a smile.

His sweetness could be a bad sign too – trust me.

We had breakfast together. His mood was fine today, since he loved it when I didn't go to college; he adored it when I stayed home. It was his biggest dream that I'd never leave the house and never talk with anyone. He wanted me only for himself. He also hated my mom, because he knew that I loved her so much more than anything in the whole world and I'd never tried to hide it.

"I'll go get Emily," he whispered.

"Oh, but it's still early," I said, confused.

"It's fine. I want to spend some time with her…" I nodded with no objection.

The day went smoothly. We didn't have any actual fight or arguments but I was still so scared. He was so good at hiding his emotions, especially when it came to something like that.

_God, please... let things be fine._ I made a silent prayer.

He and Emily played together the whole day, and the sound of her laughter made me almost forget the fear in my heart... almost. After lunch James wanted us all to have a nap and I agreed of course, even though I didn't think I would get any rest. He drifted to sleep with Emily in his arms and me beside them. I caressed her beautiful locks with my hand; she indeed looked like an angel.

My eyes turned to look at James... I found myself staring at his features... James was a handsome guy, in his way. I remember how he'd swept me off my feet the first time I saw him. His light blue eyes, his pale skin, his blond hair with that hint of brownish... Everything in him looked like every girl's wet dream... and I'd thought back then that I was in love with him.

I would still be feeling that, only he'd changed… a lot, and I wasn't just talking about his looks. He used to be really sweet with me, he used to show me how he worshipped the ground I walk on – but now all he showed me was how he was obsessed with me.

I think breathing was the only thing I could do without his permission. His love had turned into an obsession. And I was so scared.

~%~


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